I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
