How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
