i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
