haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
