at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
