i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
