this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
