mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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