So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
