one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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