he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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