I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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