please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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