So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
