He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
