Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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