You're my little dorito
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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