wanna go halves on a baby?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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