He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
