U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
