I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
