You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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