she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There r osticjed everywhere
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
