its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
