you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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