Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
