What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And then my night got REAL pukey
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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