my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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