Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
