You're so nebulous sometimes
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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