hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Someone came in the potted fern
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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