I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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