Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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