margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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