Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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