i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
