dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
