I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
