I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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