The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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