Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
