I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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