the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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