Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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