you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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