I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
