the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
