So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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