Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
