this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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