Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
