I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
