Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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