they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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