I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
