I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
