no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
